Maddening Disease
by Shiori07
Summary: Hikaru has loved Haruhi for a long time now, but she's with someone else and it's killing him inside. Now, feeling betrayed and lost, Hikaru decides that it would be better if he ended it all. But in his most desperate of moments, another girl appears and completely changes his life around. Blaikaru (HikaruxOC) Rated T for attempted suicide and some language. Complete(?)


A/N: Hi! I haven't contributed to this fandom in a while, but i was having writer's block and i decided to work on a different project to cure myself. This was a prompt given to me by my good friend Maria Penner, and this story wouldn't be here without her. It was written using Shakespeare's Sonnet 147. Thank you, my friend! I hope this is good.

Anyway, this is based on my other fic "Small Worlds" and that is where my OC comes from, so if you want a full story with her and Hikaru, check it out. If you already read that, please enjoy this and review for me when you're done!

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club, its characters, or Sonnet 147, but i own this plot and my OC.

* * *

**Sonnet 147**

My love is as a fever, longing still

For that which longer nurseth the disease,

Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,

Th' uncertain sickly appetite to please.

My reason, the physician to my love,

Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,

Hath left me, and I desp'rate now approve

Desire is death, which physic did except.

Past cure I am, now reason is past care,

And frantic mad with evermore unrest,

My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are,

At random from the truth vainly expressed;

For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,

Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.

-Shakespeare

* * *

_I can't take it anymore._

Hikaru walked briskly through the park, his head bowed and his hands tightly clasped to his chest as he wandered blindly down the lamp lit path. It was really early in the morning, the stars where still out and the sun hadn't even risen yet, but the man didn't really care, not anymore.

He was too broken. He was too far gone.

And it was all her fault.

Why? Why did she have to do this to him? Why did she have to _hurt him _like this when all he ever did was love her?

Why, Haruhi?

It had all started in high school. He and his twin brother had just graduated from junior high and were in what was called 'The Ouran High School Host Club.' They had been members for the past year already, and honestly, things hadn't been that bad. They had broken out of their twisted shells and were ever so slightly opening up to the world. And then, on the first day of the new school year, things seemed to get even better with the arrival of one Haruhi Fujioka.

At first, Hikaru wasn't sure what to think of her. She was the commoner girl in their elite school and was posing as a guy in an all-guys club to pay off a debt she owed. In the beginning, he saw her as a toy, someone with whom he and his brother could mess with for their own entertainment.

But then, after a while…she became something _more._

Haruhi was, for some reason, able to break open their shell more than anyone else in the world ever could. _She could tell him and his brother apart. _No one, not even the other hosts could successfully do that without some trial and error. It really was quite amazing how easily she could point and say 'you're Kaoru and you're Hikaru' and get it right the first time.

When that started happening, he and his brother seemed to draw closer to her. They became friends, really good friends actually, and the three of them ended up doing a whole bunch of stupid stuff together, even if they had to drag her with them. She would complain and drag her feet, telling them that they were being idiots, but in the end, she would go along with them because she had no other choice.

As the year went on, and Haruhi continued to pose as a host, something inside Hikaru _changed. _He began to _notice _Haruhi, as in notice her as a girl and not just their friend/classmate/fellow club member. He began to notice that she may have been a lazy commoner who would rather study than go on a trip to Fiji, but she was also kind and strong. Haruhi was the kind of person who worked hard and always wanted to carry her own weight. She didn't want to be selfish and be a burden to others.

He found himself wanting to be with her all the time, especially after he had found out that she had a fear of thunder. He had sat in that church with her that day, just holding her, trying to comfort her and apologize for being such a jerk.

He hadn't known why, but just before that, he had found himself feeling jealous whenever Haruhi was around her _other _friends. Wasn't he enough?

But then…at the school festival, things changed.

He had been seeing it for a while, Haruhi and Tamaki getting closer, he just hadn't thought that much of it until later on. After Haruhi had stopped their club president from leaving the country, the two of them seemed to draw closer and all Hikaru could do was watch as she grew closer to someone other than him.

He felt betrayed. How could she do this after becoming someone so important to him? How could she make him fall in love with her and then love someone else?

As the years went on, and they finished high school, even started college, Haruhi and Tamaki continued to get closer. Eventually, Tamaki stopped acting like a father and Haruhi began to see that Tamaki was actually a really good person when he wasn't screwing everything up.

And then he had asked her out.

And she accepted.

That was the most painful part: her going out with _him. _But Hikaru could never truly hate them for that, not after giving him and his brother the companionship they had desperately needed all those years ago. Tamaki had brought them all together after all.

Hikaru tried, he had tried for _so long _to just forget about her, because he knew that if he continued to think about her, he would just hurt himself. But that was the thing, he _couldn't forget. _Haruhi had done so much for him, _been _so much to him. How could he forget someone so amazing? She had crossed over into his world, his brother's world, and flipped it upside down.

Hikaru slowed his pace, his breathing heavy and his heart pounding even though he hadn't been running. He was tired of running. He just wanted it to end.

After standing there on the sidewalk for a long moment, Hikaru drew his hands away from his chest and opened them to reveal a medicine bottle.

It wasn't working. _Nothing _was working. He couldn't stop _wanting _her, _desiring _her, even when his common sense screamed at him that forgetting was the right thing to do. His sense of logic told him that he needed to forget, and he was angry with himself that his love remained, if not got stronger.

His _desire_ for her, his_ love_ for her, was _hurting him. _It was _killing him _and all he could do was love her even when she didn't feel the same. He could feel himself losing it, slowly slipping away as she was happy with someone else that he couldn't even bring himself to hate. He was going mad, wasn't he? He couldn't bring himself to hate the people who were causing his pain, he could only beat himself up for not being able to stop himself from feeling this way.

Spotting a bench nearby, Hikaru went over to it and sat down, staring up at the sky.

He was going to do it. He was going to end it; right here, right now. He had had enough. She was causing him too much pain.

He sighed. There was so much he was ready to leave behind, yet there was still something he would regret abandoning: Kaoru. His brother. His beloved, younger brother. The one who had been by his side since birth. Kaoru seemed to be the one who had truly understood him after all. He had even noticed that something was wrong with him recently. Kaoru had asked again and again what was wrong, but Hikaru had insisted it was nothing. He didn't want to be a burden to his brother. Kaoru was the good twin, the better twin, the one that was kind to people and knew how to deal with them. But Hikaru? He was the failure. He was the one that had nowhere to belong.

Hikaru smiled sadly. He loved his brother, and would be sad to leave him, but he would be fine on his own, he knew it. Kaoru knew how to deal with life. He didn't.

Faint rays of light were on the horizon now, illuminating the skyline a light blue.

Knowing that it was time, Hikaru looked down at the small orange bottle that he held in his hand. Inside it, he knew there were about a couple dozen sleeping pills. He planned to swallow them. All of them. He planned to just drift to sleep and fade away into nothingness. To finally forget.

Gripping the top, Hikaru attempted to twist the cap off. He struggled with it for a few minutes.

_Why did it have to be 'child-proof?'_

The cap. The stupid, white cap wouldn't budge.

Maybe it was because his hands were trembling.

Finally, after fighting with the thing for forever, frustration welled up inside of his chest and Hikaru flung the bottle to the ground. As if the world hated him, he seemed to have thrown the bottle so hard, it cracked open as it hit the concrete. Pills spilled everywhere, scattering across the path and into the grass.

Hikaru's golden eyes stared at the ground for the longest time, his mind going numb. In silent defeat, he propped his elbows on his thighs and put his face into his hands.

He just couldn't win, could he?

So on top of Haruhi, the _universe hated him? _

Maybe he was just pathetic and couldn't even bring himself to do the deed when the time finally came.

Maybe it was just karma. He had fallen in love with someone so beautiful and amazing, and had continued to love her even when it was wrong.

Or maybe it was just Haruhi. Even when she was the most amazing person he had ever encountered, she ended up being the evilest without intending to be. She had made him love him. She had made him feel this pain. She had caused this illness.

And there was no cure for it. _None, _because the very thing hurting him was the very thing that could stop the pain. But she would never come to him, she had someone else and couldn't see what his feelings were.

His love for her was causing a disease to infest his body, and it was driving him insane.

"Um…Excuse me." Hikaru slowly looked up to see a girl standing a few feet away from him. She had long, dark hair that just touched her waistline, blowing gently in the breeze, and emerald-green eyes that looked down at him timidly, but with concern. As for her attire, she wore a peach-colored blouse, jeans, and black sandals on her feet. She carried a brown messenger bag on her shoulder, both hands gripping the leather strap, one next to the other.

Her vibrantly green eyes continued to stare into his golden ones as she continued to speak. "Are you ok?"

He stared up at her for a while, not saying anything. Then, a humorless chuckle escaped him and he bowed his hand again, running his hand through his messy, red hair. He didn't say anything as he glanced down at his own attire: jeans, sneakers, and a white t-shirt. Not exactly the most glamorous outfit for the heir of a fashion design company, but he hadn't really considered his clothes to be important in his own suicide.

The girl took a few steps closer to him, not sure on what she was going to do, when she felt something crunch under her foot. She paused for a second and looked down in confusion, lifting her foot up. In doing so, she saw the crushed remains of a white sleeping pill. Her eyebrows scrunched together before she looked around. When she saw the other, numerous white dots, her eyes widened and emerald snapped up to look at the red hair of the stranger on the bench.

Realization hit her, and she just looked at him for a long moment. A wave of indecision hit the girl as she stood there. She knew that she had to do something for this man, but he was just a stranger, what could she do?

After a few minutes, Hikaru felt the bench shift as the girl took a seat beside him. He tensed slightly, but didn't move. The girl gently set her back between her and the metal armrest before settling down, her hands clasped in her lap.

"…Do you want to talk?"

Hikaru scoffed. "Who said that I wanted to talk?"

The girl was quiet. "You didn't have to say anything."

The man next to her turned his head to face her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She looked him in the eyes, and his breath hitched slightly at their intensity. "You didn't need to say anything. I could see it."

"Oh yeah? And what exactly did you _see?"_

"…Your eyes…They said everything for you."

Hikaru stared. Who was this girl? Just who did she think she was? His _eyes? _What did she know about his eyes? What did she know about _anything? _He didn't know her and she didn't know him. What right did she have to come here and say these things?

The girl eyed him, almost as if she saw through him, and Hikaru had to turn his gaze away from her piercing green orbs. "I know. You're probably thinking 'How could she possibly understand? No one could ever understand. How can she?'"

Hikaru stood abruptly, facing her. "You know what? That's _exactly_ what I'm thinking! How the hell could you possibly understand me when we've never even met before?!"

The girl's eyes shifted to the ground for a second. "Because…because I've been where you are before."

The red-head stared some more. Finally, he just turned on his heel and stomped away. Panicking slightly, the girl picked up her bag and scurried after him.

"Why are you following me?" Hikaru snapped.

It took a second, but the girl finally stepped in front of him, effectively blocking his path. He tried to step around her, but she got in his way every time, a certain determination in her eyes. "Because I want to help you."

Hikaru's temper was flaring within his chest. "Why?"

"I…I know that it's hard, but…these things…you can get passed them."

Hikaru couldn't take it anymore, he snapped. In his anger, he grabbed the front of her shirt and lifted her face to his. "Get passed them? _Get passed them? _How would you know what you're talking about?! You don't know _anything _about these things, anything about _me! _How the _hell _can you tell me that I can get passed them when you know _nothing?"_

He glared at her fiercely, his anger and frustration bursting out of him in this one act of violence. Gold clashed with emerald as they stood there, Hikaru letting his pain surface for once. Hiding this, pushing it down 24/7 was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. But then this girl, this girl that just randomly showed up suddenly talks as if she _understands him? _That was absolute bullcrap!

Then, he saw the fear in her eyes and his anger slowly ebbed away. See? This was what he was talking about. This is what he meant when he said that he was the failure. All he ever did was screw up, hurt people, he could never just make a connection.

Slowly, Hikaru released the girl, and set her on her feet again. His hands fell down by his sides as he looked away from her and at the ground, ashamed.

"Sorry…I shouldn't have done that."

Wow. He was unbelievable. This girl, this stranger, was trying to help him even when she had no idea who he was, and he had just scared the crap out of her.

Suddenly, he felt a small hand graze his side. He flinched, tensing up at the contact. The girl did too, but she continued to do what she had been doing. Slowly, gently, she wrapped her arms around his torso and stepped close to him, resting her head against his chest. Hikaru's breath hitched, and all he could do was stand there. Her body, her nature, it was so warm and soft…gentle.

"It's ok."

Those words slammed into him, almost like a punch to the gut. She had forgiven him? No. Wait. It was more than that. Her _words _meant more than that, he could hear it in her voice. She wasn't just saying that she forgave him, she was saying that everything, what he was going through, would eventually turn out fine. And she wasn't just saying that, she _meant it, _like she knew what she was talking about.

Tentatively, Hikaru put his arms up and wrapped them around her as well, letting his head rest against hers. That was when he noticed the sweet, citrusy smell coming from her. It was faint, yet he had the urge to just stay there forever and envelop himself in it.

After a few minutes, the girl pulled back and smiled up at him. It was a small, knowing smile that told him that this girl really did know what she was talking about. Even the steadiness of her eyes said that.

They still had their arms around each other as she spoke. "Sorry. I know that we don't know each other."

Hikaru shook his head. "No. It's fine. You actually made me feel better."

The girl smiled a bit wider. "I'm glad." Briefly, she looked up at the sky and noticed that the sun had fully come over the horizon now. Then she glanced at her watch and Hikaru noticed that he was still holding her, so he quickly put his arms down, his cheeks slightly burning. "You know. I was thinking about grabbing some breakfast at a café down the street. Would you like to join me?"

Golden eyes blinked. "Why are you doing this for a stranger? For all you know, I could be a serial killer or something."

The girl just shrugged. "Well, I mean, what are the odds that we're _both _serial killers?"

Hikaru stared at her some more, not really believing what he had just heard.

_Did she just crack a joke?_

It took him a minute, but Hikaru suddenly busted out laughing, even doubling over slightly and clutching his stomach. This girl really was something. He hadn't laughed like that in a while. After watching him for a few seconds, the girl started laughing too. They laughed for what felt like the longest time, alone in the orange-illuminated park. Eventually, they calmed down though, and Hikaru wiped the tears from his eyes. He had enjoyed that a little too much, but he didn't really care.

Still laughing a little, the girl held her hand out. "I'm Blaise de Luca by the way. It's nice to meet you."

'_Blaise de Luca'? That was European. It was pretty._

Chuckling as well, Hikaru took her hand and shook. "Hikaru Hitachiin. Same to you."

They released each other's hands and Blaise held the strap of her bag. "So, mister serial killer, about breakfast…"

Hikaru smiled at her. "I'd like that."

At that, Blaise turned to so she faced away from him and the sun accentuated her features. She looked at him over her shoulder, a glint to her eyes and a smirk on her face. As soon as Hikaru reached her side, she began to walk, leading him to their destination.

"Wait a minute." Hikaru spoke. "Isn't this an inconvenience to you? I thought you would be on your way to your job or something this early in the morning."

Blaise shrugged. "Quite the opposite, actually. I was on my way home from work. I had the night shift."

_Night shift? _"Really? Where do you work?"

"The hospital."

"Are you a nurse or something?"

"Kinda. I'm an intern training to be a doctor."

"Really." This girl was getting more interesting by the minute.

All in all, Hikaru greatly enjoyed his morning after that, despite his initial plans to end his life. For some reason, this girl could break through his walls and connect with him in a way that no one else could. She was different compared to the rest of the world, and Hikaru found that mesmerizing.

And for the first time in a long time, Haruhi Fujioka had completely disappeared from his mind.


End file.
